Hi I’m J, 18 turning 19 years old, college student, from the USA.

For anyone who’d like to read, here’s a short story of my long story:
I’ve always had a large appetite, but thankfully in my younger youth (yes, I do realize 18 is young) my metabolism was equally voracious. So growing up I was slim. I turned vegetarian Buddhist in the 6th grade and kept that up for 8 years, keeping my planned meals organic, low in refined sugars, and full of colorful foods and nutrients. But here’s the catch: there were so many unplanned meals throughout the day. Snacking and snacking and snacking while out with the family or at school with friends. And because of the guilt of eating food that diverged from my idealized “organic, Buddhist, vegetarian, yogi, health nut” self-image, I would binge on food for the rest of the day once I’d take a single “cheat” bite. And this would happen more days than one per week, so I couldn’t even apply the dieter’s concept of a “cheat day” to make me feel better.

My weight from Freshman year of highschool started to reflect my excessive eating (I’ve learned that vegetarianism really isn’t for everybody; without protein my appetite grew to ravenous proportions, enough so that I would even finish my friends’ lunches under the environmentalist pretext of “conservation” and “no-waste”). During the school year, I’d gain 10-15 pounds, and then lose all that again by picking up some new fad diet during the summer, once even going to the point of anorexia for the entire 3 months of summer, exercising three times a day (before breakfast, after lunch, and after dinner).

Well now, I’m sick of the weight fluctuations and I’m tired of my bingeing. The lesson I’ve learned that I think everybody has heard before but needs to hear again is : Listen to your body. What “should be” healthy might not be healthy for you in terms of optimal weight/muscle tone. Fruits for me are just like dessert. Vegetables are great. Protein is the only thing that keeps me full, so every meal needs to have some form of it. Bread wrecks my digestive system.

Anyways, to really go on a spiritual journey, redefining my life in terms other than food, I’m starting off with a water fast (minimum of a week, max of 25 days). And then with all the insight I’ve gained into what works and what doesn’t work for me, I’d like to continue on with intermittent fasting and a diet of moderation, without beating myself up for little “cheats”.

I’m so happy to have found these forums, just because no one I know fasts, and it can feel so lonely to go on radical diets without a sense of a community just like you. So thank you for all your stories!!!!!

Milena, yes definitely I wish the best of luck to you this weekend!!! Especially if it’s a three day liquid/water fast. It’s definitely not only a test of the body, but of the mind as well.

Thank you ilovecake (great username, by the way!). I probably won’t seek professional counseling, but I have so much free time during the summer months (the beauty of being a student) to self-reflect and basically make my own “retreat” center (the beauty of the internet and it’s vast archives of reading materials). As you advised, I am in fact trying to be less hard on myself, not expecting perfection, and instead doing what feels right. I also think that in unhealthy binge-eating, there is an element of envy: wanting to eat like the “skinny” (ectomorphic) girls do, wanting to be young and let the naturally fast metabolism do the work, etc. But I’ve learned to be proud of my own body (I’d be categorized as a mesomorph who is naturally athletic and gains muscle easily, hence the high appetite) and to work with it. As for the water fast, yes it is definitely not a long-term sustainable diet for any human, but as Milena put it, it got me off to a great start. I’d definitely recommend it to anyone looking to reboot the system and center the mind after a bout of excessive eating. But I’m very happy to keep reading other people’s stories on these 5:2 forums, learning about their journeys, and applying what they’ve learned to my life. Best of luck to you on your journey as well 🙂

ilovecake, you definitely did not come off preachy, just caring. No worries 🙂