rocky, I am still mentally sharp, pretty fit physically and don’t look too bad either. I can be verbally sharp, too, I don’t let ’em get away with it. When incidents of this kind have occurred in shops, I have complained – very politely – to HR and have had positive reactions. In one store where patronisation used to be rife – our local Boots the Chemist – there has been noticeable change. I also got results after making M&S aware of the problem.

I don’t altogether agree that projecting confidence necessarily cuts it. I’m not exactly meek and mild and have a healthy level of self-esteem. Doesn’t stop the patronisation, though.

I so agree about educating the young, toms mantis. Some older people ghettoise themselves and only associate with their own age group. Apart from two school friends the same age as me, both now living in the USA, all my friends are 10-15 years younger than me, one or two as many as 25-30 years my juniors. They in turn have kids aged between 24 and 4, who know me not as a feeble, dim-witted old lady but one who is still in there pitching. My 14-year-old great-nephew (so I’m told) refers to me as the cool auntie who’s gone back to uni, while my friend’s daughter – my god-daughter – reckons I’m the one who enabled her to get a good degree. Having been a rubbish godmother for most of her life, I was able to come good when she went to uni and help and advise her on her various assignments, at the same time forming a very nice inter-generational friendship. It also took me well out of my comfort zone which impacted both on my work and my studies in a very positive way.

Grow a foot taller? Would that I could, rocky. Looking commandeering maybe, but at 5ft 1in I’d be staring straight at some guy’s breast pocket – unless he was one of Snow White’s small friends.

I confess, toms, that stuff like the X Factor etc turns me into a harrumphing old bat. I can’t believe that my 14-year-old great-nephew still prefers to read a book or play his guitar than watch telly and he’s been brought up with the principle that computer games are a reward and not a substitute for getting his homework done. And he’s not a woose either. Very good at sport.However, I have no illusions. No doubt at some point very soon he’ll become a lot less virtuous and more obnoxious, albeit for no more than a couple of years..

I also did a job that was full of young people – teaching in a comprehensive equidistant between Spurs and Arsenal where I attempted with limited success to teach French and Spanish to off-duty football hooligans. Some of the kids were lovely, others were naughty but nice, but there was a hard core of borderline psychopaths. Not an easy task being small (the little sods called me the Smurf!) although a little less cuddly than now, having a foreign name (my first husband was half Spanish), and having the nerve to expect them to learn effing French as it was popularly known – hooligans also tend to be xenophobes. Can you wonder that I turned to my present job where I work entirely alone, although with plenty of contact via phone and email with some superb colleagues.

Just caught your last post, Ruthi. Some 18th-century writer, whose name escapes me if I ever knew it in the first place, once said “Be good, sweet maid, and let who would be clever”. Many men are scared by women with something between their ears. Even my own dear hubby – a highly intelligent chap whose interests and strengths are very different to mine – was and continues to be uneasy at me doing a Master’s and actually getting very good marks. I have sometimes wondered if he would be happier with a dimwit, but I think he is actually quietly proud of me, but being typically British would never admit it.

toms, even if the behaviour at the uni is governed by rules and regulations it does come across as absolutely geniune, especially among the academics.

The only time I detected even a whiff of what may well have been ageism was when the college registry managed to lose my first degree certificate and my PGCE (post-grad certificate in education – for those posters outside the UK the formal teaching qualification). They tried to argue that I had probably forgotten to send them in in the first place (being a daft old biddy), quite overlooking the fact that if I hadn’t produced them I wouldn’t have been allowed to enroll. Fortunately my own departmental administrators had a more positive approach – they lost it, they pay for it – and indeed the offenders did cough up for duplicates.

toms, you make an interesting point, backed up by rocky, that it takes several generations to make an inroad. Although you are referring to male chauvinist piggery, I think the same could be said of patronisation of older people.

As I said in an earlier post, very young people like Nika aren’t the problem, probably because they have grannies and grandads of their own who are still youthful, in good health, fully-functioning and in many cases still working or making other valuable contributions to society. The patronisers, who tend to be somewhat older, late 30s upwards, may well have had grandparents who considered themselves to be old at 60, ghettoising themselves and refusing to do any more with their lives than watch afternoon telly, play bingo and moan about younger people.

Of course, we also have great female role models for how to be older – the Nobel Prizewinning novelist Doris Lessing who died aged 94 only a few weeks ago, the wonderful P.D. James also in her 90s, a supremely talented writer and a very wise women (I find myself wishing she was my mum!). Did anybody hear her take the Director General of the BBC to the cleaners when she guest-edited the Today programme a couple of years back? Then there was a fabulous woman named Hetty Bauer who died very recently aged 107 and was politically active and highly articulate to the end – she wowed this year’s Labour Party conference. And what about the great Judi Dench, not far off 80 and still one of our finest actresses – if not THE finest British one – and very beautiful with it? There are some very impressive older men around too – let’s hear it for David Attenborough. No doubt other posters can name many more.

As rising generations get used to seeing increasing numbers of older achievers like these, maybe the patronisation will eventually stop, but it may take so long that we may not be around to see it.

Sorry Nika, I had no wish to needle you. It is an even higher tribute to you that you still do not patronise older people, despite the fact that your own life experience has been of elders genuinely in need of help and support. That will tech ME not to make sweeping generalisations!

My own objections are about people, of whatever age and experience, who also make sweeping generalisations and assume that anyone who has passed a certain landmark age – sometimes as young as 50 – must by definition be deaf, daft and helpless and need to be spoken to like small children or domestic pets.

I am pretty comfortable with myself, I have good health, a job I love, a man I love, good friends both new and of very long standing, a brain that is still capable of studying at post-grad level with gratifying success and the ability to interact happily with people across the entire age range. However, it can be very deflating when some arse elbows you in the face and announces for all to hear:”I didn’t see you down there, darling!” Which is why I asked the initial question whether patronisation is worse when you are small and cuddly.

I too lived through the 60s and 70s, lizy, and many of the things I learnt then have stuck with me and continue to enhance my life and shape my way of seeing things. And one of those things was to cut through age barriers – shared attitudes and interests are and were more important than miles on the clock. Having grown up with sex ‘n’drugs ‘n’ rock ‘n’ roll, and been through the whole hippy experience, I find it difficult to morph into the sweet little old lady that some of the less enlightened would have me be.

rocky, I think we are singing from the same hymn sheet (do you use that expression in the USA?). Only a catastrophic decline in health will force me to retire. Being self-employed, only I can fire myself on grounds of age. However, if clients start voting with their feet I shall have to review the situtation. No sign of that yet.

I’ve also been able to help members of the rising generation in ways that have been rewarding for everyone involved – e.g. tutoring and advising my god-daughter enabling her to achieve a very good degree. As well as being fun for both of us, it took me out of my own comfort zone which can only be a good thing. I’ve also taken to cooking alongside my 14-year-old great nephew who is already a very competent cook. According to his mum, he likes working with me, because I don’t boss him around, I don’t patronise him, I just guide him. We’ve already successfully catered two family dinners – once creating a tapas menu, once a multi-dish Indian meal. More are planned.

Hopefully, other occasions will arise where I can use what few skills I have to help anyone of any age in ways that enhance their, and my, life.

‘course you can join, toms. I do envy you and sylvestra your ability to make jewellery. I’m very good at wearing it, especially earrings, which, along with books, are the only things I’m acquisitive about. I’m particularly fond of silver and amber but am willing to try anything quirky. Gold doesn’t do it for me, though. Even our wedding rings are silver.

As for giving the young lady the length of my tongue, as I responded on FB I had to moderate my language. Anyway I won. She took the post down in a huff!

BTW I made my first-ever visit to Liverpool in summer this year when I and a friend went up for the day to see the Chagall exhibition at Tate Liverpool. Great city and a great day out – apart from a Liverpudlian seagull with loose bowels bombed my poor buddy who happened to be wearing white trousers! I’m hoping to make a return (hopefully seagull-free) visit sometime next year.