Fear of Success

This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Cinque 1 month ago.

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  • Hi all,

    Just started my 5:2 journey (3 fast days down) and noticing I’m starting to overeat, binge, stress and worry a lot on NFDs. I did a little soul searching during my lunch break and realised that, as I’ve never achieved my goal weight, I am actually afraid of how my life will change. I think I might be sabotaging myself.

    I’m currently 65kg and I’ve been trying to reach 55kg since my teens (now 29yo). The underlying fear has been a mixture of receiving unwanted sexual attention and not knowing how to handle those situations. I have also felt to a lesser extent, worried about being a different person; more loud, showy, obnoxious. Basically, I’ve been keeping people away with my fat (sounds hilarious when I type it out haha) as well as hiding.

    I know there is a lot more to weight gain/ loss and maintenance but I want to tackle this issue this time around – not getting any younger 🙂

    The first step (which I will do offline) will be to write out precisely all my fears around success an failure – then working through each one.
    A huge advantage I have now is that I have an amazing partner that makes me want to be the best version of myself.

    I’m wondering if anyone else is going through this? I don’t want to fail another diet as I really enjoy the 5:2 diet and am already reaping the rewards; more energy, better moods, feeling lighter.

    Will post any significant updates, until then – wishing you all the very best on your journeys.

    Hi and welcome 🙂 I really had to reply to this as I can relate to what you are saying, having had eating issues etc. in the past before (and still do from time to time)

    You really have to work on focusing on the positives, you have a supportive partner, and that’s a HUGE help, believe me. Perhaps share your thoughts and anxieties with them if you can.

    Also, think of all the health benefits you will enjoy from following this plan. You will feel amazing!

    Also, if you feel it will change you as a person, turn that into a positive as well, you will be confident, comfortable, and at ease with yourself, fun to be around and as a bonus lighter in weight 🙂

    As I say I can relate SO much to the negative thoughts, because I battle them every day, but seriously this way of life is wonderful, do-able and will make you feel better generally.

    Stay strong, you can be whoever you want to be!

    I find posting here very therapeutic as well .. keeps me on track 🙂

    We’re in this together .. take care x

    Hi Curlyo, I remember this very issue being a central theme in Susie Orbach’s book “Fat is a Feminist Issue” that came out about 40 years ago (yes, I am that old! 😉 )
    If I remember rightly, she asked us to shut our eyes and imagine being at a party. What we wore, where we stood, who we spoke to, how we behaved.
    The next thing was to think of ourselves at the weight we wanted to be, and once again imagine ourselves at a party: what we wore, where we stood, how we spoke and acted.
    This was a huge eye opener for me, as instead of being curled up on a chair chatting to friends, I was suddenly expecting myself to be right in the middle of the party entertaining everyone!
    As the book said, changing our weight comes with huge expectations: it is all around us in advertising and stories of wonderful successful women.

    But we will still be ourselves. And our fat might have been a good defense for us (if a bit of a desperate one!), but it isn’t the best defense.

    I am so glad you are thinking and talking about these things, for your sake and for the sake of those of us reading what you wrote. These are important issues to sort out.

    Luckily we lose weight over months so you have time to think, and research, and plan.

    You might learn self defense, or find a good counsellor, or something else to help you feel safe with unwanted advances.

    You have a lot more control than you are afraid you have, but let it come in small steps. It is wonderful to be an adult, and you have the bonus of a great partner. You will decide what person you what to be, how you act, and what boundaries you have around you. You will work it out. All power to you!

    Hi again,
    Thank you both for your thoughts and encouragement. A very interesting visualisation technique Cinque, I’ll definitely try that out.
    I sat and wrote down all my fears, concerns, expectations and turns out, there’s a lot to work on. I think most of it overlaps or has a common source. I’m working through them all slowly 🙂
    Thanks again!

    Sending best wishes. You will get there!

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