This topic contains 11,643 replies, has 174 voices, and was last updated by Mr Data 4 months, 3 weeks ago.
Pea and ham soup, by the colour!
Morning all.
Hope everything goes, as well as it can, today Fast.
Hermaj, hope you’ve got your knickers on again 🙂 Congrats on the weight loss. You’ll have to ke ill more often…!
Thin, re: jogging in the states. I had a similar experience just trying to walk anywhere when we were there a few years ago. Exercise is something you pay for, and drive to!
Some of you, like Happy and Nicky, are scientists. Others have a scientific Him Indoors, like I have. Mine, who happens to have a chemistry degree, spotted this. https://www.teezily.com/omchemistry Guess what he’s getting for his birthday.
The weight loss has not all disappeared. I had a nasty moment on Monday when the lost 1.5kg appeared to have returned. OH assured me that he had had a similar result on the new digital scales and suspected this might be due to them being on an uneven floor. The old scales, which we’ve been relying on since starting 5:2, have been brought out of retirement and this morning they revealed I had really lost 1kg. Not overly bothered about the 500g, resulting from eating (carefully) again. I had been warned. 🙂
Well done on keeping that 1kg off and I love the tee shirt, Herm. If I bought one, would it inspire my son to actually finish his Chem degree?
We have 2 sets of scales. The newer weigh heavier, so if I am lighter, I check out the old ones to get even better feedback. Our older set are fussier about positioning (my scientist OH almost has marks measured on the tiles for accuracy 😊), so I always believe whatever is the lowest result. Might as well keep up the morale.
Had a good fast on Monday, weight dropped back a kg, but barely slept. I really suffered between the bladder (usual for me on a fast night) and my sinuses (they are doing hazard reduction burning in the National Parks, so the air is full of smoke).
Cheers MCs. P 😆
I like the T shirt herm. Someone sent me a photo of the back of a woman’s Tshirt on Int’l Women’s Day which read, “Be the doctor your parents always wanted you to marry”. I love that. I grinned when I saw the tile marking post Purple. Our old scales required a swift ‘kick’ to activate. The current ones do not but OH keeps kicking them anyway. I like them ‘square on’ in the correct and same position and I can always tell when OH has been weighing in because they’re skew whiff.
Lovely t shirt, thin – and lovely story about the scales. In church circles, there’s a rumour that this is how the choreography of services develops – less because someone has thought about how to express a deep truth, more because external circumstances dictated something at some point, and by the time the circumstances changed everyone thought they’d ‘always done it that way’. One of my three adult children sent me a photo recently of a set of three t shirts which perfectly expressed their different roles in the family. They read, respectively: ‘I’m the oldest -I make the rules’, ‘I’m in the middle. I’m the reason we need the rules’, and ‘I’m the youngest. The rules don’t apply to me’. Anyone else with 3: discuss!
Test was no problem once I got there, P, but the violent effect on my innards of the clearer-outer drug is still with me. I’ve lost 7lbs this week, which may sound good but I was already at the lowest end of my weight, so a bit bony, very tired and not yet safe outside the house. It did find a polyp, which needs to be gone ASAP so that will happen on Monday; the main problem about which I went in the first place remains, and I’m seeing surgeon again on weds, to discuss whether we go straight to ore major surgery now, or try what he calls ‘conservative management’ first. Trouble is, by that I gather he means high-fibre diet – and I don’t think he has a clue about just how high-fibre my diet has been for the last 40 years. I think they assume everyone is ignorantly eating rubbish, and can just be told their life will be transformed by fruit and veg. I agree, in principle, but don’t see how I could eat any more without turning into a giant rabbit! So watch this space…I will try not to get boring….
Hi all
Three offspring, but as the two younger are the same age there have never been ‘middle child’ issues, and the older one is not the sort to make rules anyway.
We will be with you, Fast, so keep the reports coming. I hope the drug effects depart rapidly. Sounds like you need to eat a bit more junk to up the weight, and give the doctors something to advise you on 🙂
Thin, I love the t-shirt, only mine would say ‘I am the doctor…’ !
Fast, as the youngest of three, and the only girl, I recognize the t-shirts, except…mine wouldn’t say ‘the rules don’t apply…’, but perhaps ‘different rules apply’, in some ways more lenient and relaxed (the parent has already raised two successfully) but in some ways more restrictive (I’m the first girl!).
I’m glad to hear you survived the tests, but please don’t waste away! Sorry to hear medical intervention isn’t finished yet… Sounds like surgery now might be preferable to eating more?!
Fast, know what you mean about the lingering effect of the ‘cleaning out’ medicine! Hopwfully you are putting it all behind you now 😉. My doc first suggested diverticulitis to me and my immediate thought was same as yours – have you got any idea how much fibre I eat!! Turns out he was wrong anyway! Whatever your decision is blessings to you.
We’ve had discussions as adults re: our position and perception.
A few years ago, my eldest brother told me I was Dad’s favourite. My first response was to laugh at that (I mean, how many hours do I spend on the phone to Dad listening to how great my bro is)! But thinking about it, I realise it’s not that simple. As the youngest I will always be ‘the baby’ (I’m a very fetching nearly 47 year old nappy wearer 🙂 ), but a girl to boot! Yep, always gonna be Daddy’s little girl… BUT eldest bro Will always be special as the first-born. Middle brother will always be special because of the extra effort required to raise him 🙂 I, of course, was never any trouble…
Yep: got it in one, Happy! Eldest girl will always be special because she came first, and is only girl; youngest ditto because he’s the baby and also followed a stiiborn girl a year before; middle one ditto because he’s totally unique (they all are, really) and ten times as much hard work as the rest put together.
Carolann,nth ankhs for the reassurance. How long did it go on? Is this really normal??
Hi Fast, I didn’t feel well for a good week after the procedure and 5 days post procedure I finally needed to go to the loo,again and it was like I still had some of the laxative there but after going to the loo properly it was all OK. If you’re concerned ring the doctors rooms and ask if it’s a normal reaction.
It must be lovely to be one of several. It means there’s a good chance ONE of them will like you.
I’m the eldest but, being a mere female, I was considered subordinate and inferior by the parents, and still am by my 4-years-younger bro who from the age of 15 or so would lecture me about my “attitude”.
I’m lucky if I see or hear from him once a year. When we do meet, often in a family group, pretty well everything I say is met with a put-down in front of all those present. He can’t understand how I happen to have a very close relationship with his lovely daughter-in-law (what do we find to talk about? he asks), not to mention with his equally lovely grandsons.
Because I’m so stupid and unworldly I don’t get told stuff – like he’s divorced, his ex has remarried, he has a Ferrari in his garage, albeit in need of repair (he was left most of the old man’s estate), all of which I found out quite by accident.
Since his wife left 15 years ago, I’ve not had a Christmas or birthday present. Whatever her faults, she was brilliant at gifts, which were modest but always spot-on. Many are still in use decades later. I’m not overly bothered by not receiving anything, but not even getting an acknowledgment of the always carefully chosen Christmas gift I send him every year is both annoying and hurtful.
The real problem is, I suspect, that I’m neither rich enough, posh enough, snobbish enough, nor racist enough. I still get told off for my slight London accent and sometimes colourful vocabulary.
What is worrying is that if the miserable bugger should suddenly pop his clogs I will feel guilty.
Sorry about the rant, chaps. Happy once memorably said that every family has a tosser in its midst. I seem to have two, and they’re only the ones I know about. There may be more. Maybe I’m one!
There will be more, hermaj, almost certainly, but perhaps it’s better not to know. In sorry your relationship with your bro is so painful. Easy to say ‘his loss, not yours’, but what you know in your head doesnt always translate to the gut, does it, and unfortunately guilt is a companion who never quite leaves, where family is concerned. My guess, for what it’s worth, is that it’s not the things you’re not, but the things you are, that worry him and make him feel insecure – older, smarter, and given your pa’s attitude, how dare you??! Pity there’s no formal mechanism for divorce from family!
Carol, thanks – Dr assures me ‘it will settle’, but it’s taking its sweet time. Just wanted the reassurance of knowing from someone who’d been there that it really would…
As always, Fast, words of wisdom.
We are a very small family, at least as far as blood relationships are concerned, so I think most of the tossers have been outed or have died. The only other male is my dear mad professor cousin who lives out in your neck of the woods, who is eccentric to say the least but both admirable for his achievements and lovable for his character. Also we share a lot of childhood, teenage and young adulthood memories – we were a right pair of smarty-pants brats. Bruv thinks he’s just weird. Even disapproves of the house he shares with his delightful lady.
I agree when you say it’s what I am, rather than what I’m not, that bothers him. He still takes as gospel all the bad stuff the parents said about me. And it is his loss. I would be quite good sister material, warts and all.
Well as the youngest of three, as adults I get on best with the eldest. As children, the age gap was too great, and his temperament such, that we didn’t really have a relationship. It turns out we have a lot in common, with similar values (and not materialistic like middle bro!), and shared interests.
Now, middle bro, the tosser in our midst, has a chip on his shoulder from childhood. His insecurity carries on into his 50s. From the most inauspicious start, he has become the most ‘successful’ of all of us. But perhaps he realizes that being richer actually counts for nothing, because the chip persists. I don’t have much relationship with him except for birthday and Christmas. We get on fine when we meet, but we’d never be friends as we don’t have enough in common. I don’t make much effort, but then neither does he! He seems happy but, of all of us, he seems to have been the least constant, and quite changeable depending on his ‘life’ partner at the time. Do I lose sleep? Erm, no. But then I’m not sure I’m an ‘average’ woman! I certainly care little if you don’t like me as I am, because this is me, and if you don’t like me it seems reasonably likely that I won’t like you 🙂
Happy, your middle bro sounds very familiar. He and my elder tosser – Tossers One and Two are father and son BTW – would probably get on famously. It’s great that you and big brother now have such a good relationship which – and this is the clincher – is based on common interests and values. It demonstrates the advantages of having more than one sibling, especially if at least one is like-minded.
I may not to be to everyone’s taste, be they family or not, but I’m fortunate enough to appeal to some great people right across the age range, whom I feel privileged to have as friends. My definition of a lovable family member is a friend who happens to be related by blood or marriage. I’ve got several of those, three of whom – mum and two boys – I shall be seeing tomorrow. So in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter that my closest blood relation is a miserable old git who thinks I’m “not quate nace”.
Agreed, agreed, agreed, Happy.. But difficult when it’s a family member who, having abused you for many years, now needs your care through age and illness. Just about possible to develop enough assertiveness to lay down some boundary limits, but quieting a long-conditioned conscience – and the carefully implanted guilt at not being seen as a good’ person – enough to withdraw completely is impossible for
some, (OK, me!) precisely as a result of that abuse. Complicated indeed!
Gosh, just reading through all this and, having contributed to the Southern Hemispherites thread where talk of toxic mothers has prevailed lately, I can’t help wondering whether many of us have found ourselves here having developed eating issues due to family relationships.
No-one else has an only child then? We had to work hard to overcome all the stereotypes / myths associated with that.
Purple, I thought that saying was, “You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can’t ………..”.
My OH says my family is different in that we still all like each other after 70 years. With my Mum now and having an enjoyable time.
My weight has nothing to do with family, but rather in not realising how little food I need in my later years. Also realising that my body is better off with no white food of any kind. 🎉🎉
Hermaj, Agree with Dr Happy in that you are witty, wise, and fun to read. 🌺🌺. Forget him. Does he care what you think of him? I’m betting, not a jot. You can always return the compliment. 😏😏. Cheers, Bay
Thanks for all you kind comments, you lovely people. No family-related eating problems as such, but just like Happy, we were fed too much. Although what we ate was healthy and home-cooked, it was served in humungous portions and plates had to be cleared. Result, two life-long fatties – yes, him too.
Thin, I agree. 🌺🌺
Hermaj, if it helps to deal with it, you can think about it from his point of view. As long as you give him presents, “he deserves them. He is right and you are seeking his approval.” OTOH, if you cease giving him presents, he has to think about the relationship differently. If he cares, he will do something. If he doesn’t care, you’re better off drawing a line under it.
Either way you’re in a healthier place and the decisions about the relationship are now his to make.
Give yourself a lovely gift to celebrate. 🎉🎉🎉 By giving up control, you regain control of your life. 😇😇
Cheers, Bay 🌺🌺🌺☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️
Hi Bay,
Thank you for your wise take on my bro situation. You too, thin. Don’t worry, I’m not daft enough the spend megabucks on the guy. It’s usually a tenner or less once a year, so I wouldn’t have a huge amount to treat myself with.
I do have him to thank fairly directly for three of my favourite people on the planet who we were with last night, his grandsons and his daughter-in-law, currently involved in an unpleasant divorce from his once delightful, now turned horrible, son. His father thinks this is just a blip in their relationship and she’ll get over it. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree with little understanding of the human condition, I fear.
She also finds Grandad extremely annoying, especially as he mocks her work – she’s a molecular biologist, whom Google reveals to be well respected in her field, involved the the Nematode Worm Project, which slowly but surely is changing the world and finding cures for all manner of diseases. His repeated wisecracks about her “digging up worms for a living”, sometimes when introducing her to total strangers, might have been funny 20 years ago, but no longer. Being half Indian she has been brought up to instinctively respect her elders, but on one famous occasion after a worm-laden encounter, she emailed me saying “If he says it again, I swear I’ll deck the bastard”.
Her take on his behaviour is that, when confronted with something he doesn’t understand, like her work, my work, her athletic achievements, my studies, etc., he just dismisses it. I suspect she’s spot on.
I’d say he’s threatened by successful women. It isn’t just that he doesn’t understand, it’s a deliberate lack of respect aimed at ‘keeping her in her place’. He belittles her work in a pathetic attempt to maintain his world order and bolster his fragile ego. It’s a form of psychological bullying. Grrrr.
Couldn’t agree more, Happy. I suppose we should be grateful that the attitude hasn’t been handed down. Before Tosser the Younger went bonkers, he appeared to appreciate successful women. His elder son, who’s as bright as a button and a really nice young guy, certainly does. For him, women who achieve things are the norm, so many are there in the family, not just his mum and me, but several of her sisters, too.
So sad when people are threatened by others success. Happens more than we like to think. We just have to develop a thicker hide. Just as well that we like ourselves and each other. 😏😏🎉🎉🎉👯👯👯
Hi Thin, no I haven’t as yet lost the 4 kg. But I haven’t really tried. As Happy and Purple have been known to say, if you don’t stick with the plan, how can it work? I am hoping that when I go home again, I’ll get serious after Easter.
Cheers, Bay, from a very hot and humid Brisbane. ☀️☀️☀️🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌶🌶🌶😉😉😉
My plan Bay…
Reached maximum “wriggle room” on Sunday. Fasted yesterday and dropped nearly 2kg. So, as St Pats day is Thursday, I’m doing Weds and Friday as well this week. I don’t think I’ve ever formally done 4:3, but I can see it is the only way to get back into safer territory and still enjoy life 😊
I’m sure you won’t get away with fasting at your mum’s!
Cheers P
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7:02 am
7 Mar 16