I suspect lots of us are in similar positions: we were incredibly lucky with the grandchildren, who grew up about 15 miles from us, and spent a lot of time with us. However, things change and move on – quire rightly: those grandchildren, and their families, live in this country, but a good drive away in different directions, so we see much less of the ggchildren than we’d like Our offspring, now in their 50s, live scattered around the UK and Spain. But it’s less about distance than the sheer demands of modern working and living: not all drive, not one does a ‘normal’ 9-5 job – all work hugely long hours, with on-call duties both weeknights and weekends; and we no longer drive huge distances without an overnight stay – which in turn is complicated by health problems (he needs his special bed) and a bank account which is far from bottomless. I remind myself regularly that we brought them up to have wings, as well as roots, and that I wouldn’t dream of wanting them not to spread them, but…..We managed to get (almost) everyone together to keep last Christmas on January 15th; some we saw two weeks after Easter, and some, we haven’t seen since last summer. As for Mothering Sunday – they all phoned and sent messages etc, but I actually saw one of them a month after the event, while another combined it with the post-Easter visitation, and one hasn’t made it yet! That’s not a moan or a criticism: none of that was through choice or indifference, we’re in regular contact with multiple daily messages, and nobody complains of feeling unloved. And I know I have it easier than those of you with children overseas.. It’s tough in so many ways – but I guess the balance is that I’m proud of the people they’ve all become, and the positive things they’re doing, which I don’t think they would have been, or could have done, if they’d stayed round the corner.
Carolann, you have a real dilemma, and there’s no one right answer – I know what my decision would be, but I’m not you, so I shan’t tell you!! . All love and luck to you as you go on pondering it. X
5:18 pm
19 May 23