Happy Christmas and safe travels, SJ – you deserve to relax and bask in the good company of dear friends. Xxxx
This topic contains 14,766 replies, has 323 voices, and was last updated by Countrygal1 2 years, 7 months ago.
Well my post has vanished again. So I’d better crack on.
Jade good to see your post. Your political reference would not be that guy Trump would it.? Dear oh dear but he scares me big time. Heaven help us if he is to be the future president of the US.
CG, GG, Gypsy, Up, Fit, Milena, SJ , PH , wishing you all a very merry Christmas. I do apologise if I’ve left anyone out. It’s a busy morning here. The final preparations for Christmas are under way. Kim, our daughter is a very talented flower arranger and out house is looking lovely. She uses lots of Australian natives. Kangaroo Paws, Gum nuts with the foliage and it all looks stunning.
Here are a few more punnies to help get to 200.
A boiled egg is hard to beat
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison : a small medium at large.
When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
Bakers trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture. A jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
Well hi there again, girls – I would love to stick around, CG, and thank you – thank you all for the warm welcome. Might as well do my part to help you reach 200 now that I’ve stuck my foot in the door 🙂 Up, did you live in Athens Ga.?? It is indeed hot there in summer – I had many friends attend the university but never spent much time there myself.
Yes, Doggy, that would be my reference though unfortunately there are so many imitating him now, throwing around dangerous words to prove who’s the biggest and baddest. Ah well, I don’t want to get in trouble speaking my mind (wouldn’t be the first time), but I often feel I should distinguish myself from that hateful attitude when I say I’m an American, and I’m hopeful we are the majority. Anyway…I really enjoyed your puns – HA, the small medium at large was my favorite.
Holidays and relatives, oh mercy…I’ve been there and my thoughts go out to those who are dealing with sad or sticky situations – may you find peace and enjoyment in the moment with the friends and family close to you. Our celebration will be small, as our families are spread out across this large country, so we’ll have fun with just one branch of the family tree. We southerners tend to absorb a lot with a smile – but then watch out if someone goes one bridge too far. It’s one reason I’m appalled at the name-calling in US politics. OOPS SORRY there I go again with the politics, sorry.
Fit, I probably rode right past you on the train to Dublin! Do you spend much time there? We got to know the bus system well enough to get a pass – even took the commuter train down the coast to Bray and then back again, took the bus to the zoo, and of course prowled all around the places near the river. It is an interesting city and I loved seeing the history I had read so much about. Sobering to think of the bravery of all those who fought for independence.
Well that is enough prattling – all for a good cause though. My relatives will be returning soon from visiting old friends and I promised them cookies. Hope the day is good to all of you! jade xx
Wow. It seems ages since I posted but it is not.
CG I too am very sorry I did not get to wish you a Happy Birthday on your actual birthday. Such a significant one with receiving your pension etc. sounds like you had a good one. Same thoughts to you also Milena. Sorry you did not get your dream present.
Fit. Your Christmas Eve sounds absolutely perfect. What a lovely thing to do. We used to go to midnight mass but it was too late, I always thought. Your timing is perfect. Trust the Irish to work out the best way to celebrate.
SueJen. So happy that you are having Christmas with your friends.🤗🤗🤗🎄🎄🎄 Was feeling very sad for you prior to that news. You will have a lovely day and what great friends…enjoy every minute. Good luck with your FD. I weighed this morning and still the same so have managed to maintain in the lead up to Christmas. Now for the real test.
GL Francy dumping someone by text Christmas Eve. What is the world coming to. Possibly better off without her bet not feeling like that at the moment. Lucky he is home with you to pampe him, Have a nice day tomorrow ..
UP. My cleaner was here this morning as well. Such a special thing to happen just before family arrives.
We are having a finishing off things day today and finally have time for a rest. Just had my hair cut so all things clean and cut and dusted and sorted.!,, LET THE PARTY BEGIN🎄🎄🎄🍷🍹🍺🍸🍫🍫
To all the wonderful members of the Aussie Determination Thread. CG , GG, Gyps, SueJen, Mielaa , FIT, GL, UP, Katy. And anyone I have missed. You too Jade Lark. Have a very happy Christmas , spread the love, and ENJOY! 🎉🎉🎉🍷🍷🍹🍹🍸🍸🍺🍺🍾🍾🍒🍒🍑🍑🎄🎄🎄
Hi again. Jade I know all Americans are not the same. A few years ago my hubby and I did a tour of Italy and the majority of our group were Amercians. Many of them lovely people. Let me assure you that we have our share of the Loonie Tune politicians here too. Our recently dumped prime minister was one of many.
CG I can just picture the get together with all the blokes standing round together yacking. It’s the same in South Africa and also a similar experience in Canada. Probably us women just stick together so we can discuss something intelligent. Joking of course!
I’ve just woken from a very brief nana nap. We had a large lunch and finished it off with the mince pies that were meant for tomorrow. I need to get up and iron the able cloth and other bits and bobs for tomorrow. I’m procrastinating as I hate ironing but know I’ll have to do it eventually.
So here’s my last bit of punnies. CG people send them to me occasionly they know I’m an avid reader, love English and have a good sense of the rediculous.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’s still stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
Two silk worms had a race . They ended up in a tie.
Atheism is a non prophet organisation.
Two hats were hanging on a rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other. ” you stay here, I’ll go on a head”
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
A sigh on the lawn of a drug rehab centre. : keep of the grass.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to the local hospital. When his grandmother phone to ask how he was ,a nurse said. ” No change yet
Th soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.
Don’t join dangerous cults. Practise safe sects.
More to come. Now I have the dreaded ironing to do
XX Doggy
😀😄😊
Come on Aussie come on come on. !
When insults had class.
Exchange between Churchill and lady Astor. She said. Aif you were my husband I’d give you poisoned tea. He said. If you were my wife I’d drink it.
An MP to Prime Miniater Disralei. Sir you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease. That depends said Diaraeli. Whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.
He had delusions of adequacy. – Walter Kerr.
I have never killed a man but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure. – Charles Darrow.
He has never been known to use a word that sends a reader to the dictionary. – William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I’ll waste no time reading it – Moses Hadas
I didn’t attend the funeral but I sent a letter saying I approved of it. – Mark Twain
He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends. – Oscar Wilde.
I am enclosing two tickets for theist night of my new play; bring a friend…….If you have one – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill. Cannot possibly attend the first night , will attend the second …… If there is one – Churchills response.
He is a self made man and worships his creator. – John Bright
I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial. – Irvin .S Cobb
He’s simply a shiver looking for a spine torun up. – Paul Keating.
Why do you sit there like an envelope without an address on it ? – Mark Twain
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. – Mae West
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others cause happiness whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde
He has Van Gogh’s ear for music – Billy Wilder
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it. – Groucho Marx
A French teacher was explaining to her that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts are grammatically designated as masculine and feminine. One puzzled student asked what gender a computer was. The Teacher did not know and so for fun she decided to split the class into two groups. Appropriately enough by gender and asked them what they thought. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendations.
The men’s group decided that the computer was defiantly feminine – La computer, because-
No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself paying half your income for accessories for it.
The Women’s group decided that computers were masculine- Le computer. Because
In order to get their attention you have to turn them on
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3 They are supposed to help you solve your problem but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you could have better model. !
EVENING AUSSIE DETERMINATORS and a BIG HELLO AND WELCOME TO 111sja,JADELARK! Thank you for your contribution to our thread.
Here is something that I have read out loud each Christmas:Here are some excerps
It is a poem written by CLEMENT CLARKE MOORE 1779- 1863
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
“Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimmy with care.
When out on the lawn,
there arose such clatter!
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter!
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash….
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team he gave a whistle and away they flew like the down on a thistle….
But!….I heard him exclaim!!!!!
‘Ere he drove out of sight’
“HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL< AND TO ALL GOOD NIGHT”
Team I wish YOU….CG< GYPSY< MILENA< UP< DAWG<SJ<PH<FIT<NOOTS> avery Merry Christmas may all your tables be full of love and good cheer…happy thoughts and forgivness….Enjoy your day. Love and best wishesAlways ……GO GALXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hi gang! It’s been a big day for me, shovelling food into my son and preparing more. Generators are at the ready as the rain follows him down the coast. He made it home so I don’t care what the weather blocks at this point. It is quite clear here at the moment. Glad I managed a bit of a fast day yesterday, because we have a lamb, pork, ham an fowl on the menu tomorrow and a goodly variety of deserts starting with fruit salad and pav for lunch and plum pudding for the evening. Have to have a mountain of left overs to graze on and send the lad home with. He has such a happy look on his face as he goes from fridge to arm chair. He and OH are laid out like a pair of lizards watching the wrestling on Fox sports channel. I have replenished his wardrobe for the pressies. Glad, because he only wears the sweat and dry on the bod sports gear these days and looks a bit threadbare. It’s been a while since he’s been in mum’s orbit. Don’t think he’s ever actually bought himself a stitch of clothing since he was born. Nearly 36 yrs ago now. His birthday is the 15th of Jan. so I have doubled up the booty as won’t see him for it. Other than that, my grandkids have all been on the phone or facebook to say ta, for theirs and hi for tomorrow. So I’m having a good Christmas. Not much chance of putting on weight, too busy. Hope you are all gearing up for a lovely day. Happy Christmas to all. xxxgyps
Hi 111sja. Haven’t you done well. This is positively my last post ( sounds ominous ) for the night. We’ve had a busy day and lots of food preparation and lots of eating too. We are having oysters for starters tomorrow followed by prawns, calamari and numerous salads. Our son in law is Swiss and makes one of those ever so yummy plaited bread loaves that we will have for brekkie. Kim and Erika are in charge of desserts. I know desiccated coconut and marscapone cheese form part of it. I’ll have to wait and see. Needless to say there will be champagne and the odd glass of Sav Blanc consumed. No one has to drive anywhere thankfully as I’m very concerned about those wo stil continue to drink and drive
Have a lovely, lovely Christmas team and thank you all so much for being part of my life this past year. I feel as though I’ve got to know you all so well. I do hope Santa brings you something nice.
Love to you all Doggy XXX
🍷🍻🍾🍴🍪🍮🍧🍕🍔🍓🎉🎈🎁🎊❤️💯🔆
OK, can’t stand it, so close! So found a poetic tale that should do it (since CG wrote she did want it to turn tonight. So Merry Christmas from us all, CG. Thank you for being our Good Shepherd all year long.
For D.P. Bach and Sons
THE MINER’S MUSE
The old man sat serenely
Gazing out toward the hill
‘Twas peaceful once again
In the land of Humpyville
The dozers had departed
And the bush would soon prevail
The wild flowers, come the spring,
Would hide the gashes in the trail
He smiled as he reflected
How she’d beat them in the end
What a foolish breed they were
Those city mining men
If you gave this land your all
She’d give you back a living
But to greedy grasping fools
This land was unforgiving
To God alone she’d give
Riches, undeserved by toil
The old man sighed, content
As the billy hit the boil
He sprinkled in the tea leaves
Settled back and rolled a smoke
A cackle from the blue gum
Proved old kooka shared the joke
Must be fifty years back
He’d come here as a lad
Ridin’ bull whip for the teamsters
Off-siding for his dad
The wheel ruts on the ridge
Still showed the safest way
When it came to makin’ roads
Trust a bullock any day
Them blokes had spent a fortune
Hired a whole construction team
He’d watched them build their causeway
In defiance of the stream
He could’ve told them that their bed rock
Was a ledge of faulty shale
But they’d downed “the old bush coot”
So he’d sat and watched them fail
Serves ‘em right for stealin’
What had been his claim for years
They’d come sproutin’ neat and legal
All puffed up behind their leers
Palaverin’ all self righteous
“Compensatin’” him with cash
Years ago they’d still be runnin’
Backsides burnin’ from the lash
His boys had took the bait
Moved their wimmen folk to town
The machines had moved in fast
And razed their humpies to the ground
But the old man wouldn’t budge
And the magistrate agreed
This one last patch of dirt belonged to him
By right of deed
They’d smiled and shrugged it off
Shunned him like a feral dog
So he’d held his peace and watched them
Build their donga in the bog
He knew well the scorching heat
That burned the mud to solid grains
But the spring beneath that idyll
Would be boilin’ come the rains
If they reckoned he was strange
Buildin’ barren on the rock
When their “cement” sank beneath ‘em
Them boys would get a shock!
Let ‘em laze it in their igloo
Air conditioned with the lot
When the bull dust from the workin’s
Gummed it up they’d sure be hot
Seemed a foolish waste of money
Buyin’ iron to block the breeze
And they’d shiver come the winter
Shaded down there by the trees
Their prospectin’ techniques
Sure had bin unique
Wild life rotted in the death traps they’d dug
Miles from any creek
They’d assayed cattle droppings!
He grinned, they sure went white
When they’d spent a month or more
Baggin’ flamin’ Illmenite…..
He’d even tried to warn them
Seems they never understood
Strewth! Did they think he would have left it
If the stuff was any good?
In fairness, too, he’d told them
When the wet was on the way
They’d scanned the heavens, scornful, said
“He’s madder every day!”
They’d never even noticed
How the ants had left the dry beds
Every day he got more certain
There was space inside their heads
The torrents came, of course
He’d never been in doubt
He’d stocked the larder up
And took the Rover out
She’d be there if she was needed
High and dry across the creek
There was dry wood by the stove
Enough to last more than a week
That mob had set such store
In their shiny great machines
But there ain’t no way of shorin’ up
A dozer when it leans
She’d decorate that gully
And they couldn’t do a thing
‘Til the hill quit shedding moisture
Maybe sometime in the spring
He pitied their discomfort
Wet and airless in the donga
The roof sure didn’t leak
But they had a floor no longer
No cheery fire to warm them
They’d smother in the smoke
Their generator snuffed it
‘Ere the frogs began to croak
One by one they’d come a ‘creepin,’
‘Til he’d sheltered all the crew
Showin’ fine appreciation
For his bully beef and stew
When the boss dried out the wireless
He’d called the chopper in
He’d had the grace to doff his hat
Sayin “Guess you had to win!”
Broke he was, but richer
Havin’ learned the hardest way
That fightin’ Mother Nature
Very rarely made HER pay
The old man hoped his sons
Were learnin’ likewise in the town
He’d be needin’ their assistance
When the hubbub settled down
Them repossession agents
Had bin scratchin’ round for weeks
Collectin’ all what hadn’t took off
Floatin’ down the creeks
He didn’t want no slicker
Gettin’ fancy plans agin’
One just might get lucky
And stumble on his tin
He guessed that in the end
He owed them some apology
‘Cos he’d found a lifelong dream
Due to their technology
The mother lode was close
All the old blokes had agreed
Now he knew just where to find it
‘Cos their airstrip bared the lead
His muse was interrupted
By a motor runnin’ crook
The old man’s face relaxed
Weren’t no need for him to look
The Rover, one plug missin’
Chugged and gurgled up the track
The dust was homin’ in
Seems his boys were headin’ back!
P.S.
Progress pays a price
Although technically, it’s clever
But our pioneers were priceless
And legends live forever…..
No fable is without foundation……
M.C.B.
(M.C. Bach – Daughter)
Hi All!
Well, you are all well into your celebrations by now and it is Christmas eve morning for me….so a few chores left to do but plenty of time and so I’m not under pressure.
Dawg – I think you should get the medal for valour in trying to get us to our target of 200 pages. So many posts and so many great jokes and puns…I’ll have loads of laughs to share with all the family! 😆
CG – looks like men are the same the world over; it inevitable happens late on Christmas day here too that the men gravitate towards the card table and the ladies watch the specials on TV while chatting and eating chocolates!! Your pork and ham sound lovely; I can almost smell them from here mmmmm.
Jade – there are idiot politicians everywhere, we’ve had more that our fair share in Ireland too but how they get into power is beyond me!! Speak your mind here, we’re all well able for it. I did a walking history tour of Dublin last summer because even though I visit often there is lots to learn about it; I really enjoyed it. 2016 will be a big year here, as we celebrate 100 years since the Rising which eventually brought our independence. Hoping you stick with us, no reason why you can’t be on two threads!
PH – thanks for all the cheery emojis….you sure brighten up the thread!! 🙂 🙂
111 – delighted you felt able to join in; it’s lovely to hear from you. You have been very successful losing 17kg; what an achievement!! We’d love to hear more from you in the new year; the more, the merrier!!
GG – that poem brings back such happy memories. I have a beautifully illustrated version of it and we read it to our girls every single Christmas eve for years as we tucked them into bed….magical! xxxx
Gyps – sounds like all is perfect in your world – have a wonderful time with your son and leprechaun!
Wishing you all – CG, GG, SJ, Dawg, UP, Gypsy, PH, Milena, GL, Noots, Katy, Lotus, Jade, 111 and anyone else who looks in here, every blessing and good fortune for Christmas and the new year. Here’s to more losses and successes in 2016 for us all. A very sincere thank you to all my new penpals who have made it possible for me to be happy about my weight this year and to know that I am in control and can achieve whatever targets I set myself. I look back over 2015 and while I am happy with what I have lost, I am even more thrilled with what I have gained…..you lot of wonderful people!!! 🙂 🙂 <3 <3 <3 {{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}} XXXXXXXXXX
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We pay tribute to our dear friend and colleague, Dr. Michael Mosley. Michael was an integral part of our lives, […]
Michael is touring Australia this September! Here's a link to dates and tickets. Hope to see you there.
Michael Mosley gives an update for 2019, current research in the field and announces a tour starting in February.
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