Tuesday 21/04/2020
Day 1
76.9 kg

Here I am again, after feeling so good about myself in 2017 I have gained 14kg! Sure, starting a relationship, changing contraception, then moving cities (twice!) didn’t help. My routine got all too messed up and whilst I wanted to make the changes, I’ve really struggled in finding the best route!

When I originally lost weight, I was walking 2 hours a day to and from work! I could easily monitor my calories and the gym was just so easy to get to. Its just felt harder ever since.

My main goal is to feel good about myself – whatever that will look like. And right now, I just don’t. I still feel like I love exercise, although that needs a bit of work too. But really, I think it’s about my relationship with food.

I have never really gotten that saying, ‘relationship with food’. But now I think I am starting to understand. Food makes me feel good! Eating something nice and tasty makes me happy. But I am beginning to realise that when I lost weight the first time – I still enjoyed food. I don’t remember ever feeling like I was missing out or saying no to anything. But the foundation was different. The food I ate for lunch and dinner was better for me, lower calorie. And then when I had the treats – damn were they good!

That’s what I need to get back to. Having healthy food as my rule, then the exception isn’t so damaging. Not having pasta and pizza and burgers as the staple in my diet.
I also need to get rid of the excuses. Its easy to blame the change in routine, its easy to blame my partner, its easy to blame my hormones. But in reality – I’ve gotten lazy. I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole and now it’s time to climb back up. And I’m feeling pretty damn motivated to get out of this thing, at least for now.

I am worried about losing this motivation. But I really am starting to realise that I am the only person who can help me. And I have to do this my way, for myself – or it is not going to work.

So here I am again, looking for the solution. Whilst I do not plan on sticking to the 5:2 diet by law, I am hoping I will get some benefits from sticking to the general idea. I really want to remind myself that I do not need to be snacking and eating all the time. That I can sit comfortably with my hunger. I want to remind myself that healthy food can be tasty. I want to remember I do have self-control. I want the 3 days that I am dedicating to this to be some momentum. To keep me more on track for the 4 days that I am not dedicating. To be a time for reflection, to be a reminder of why I am on this journey.

So what is my plan? -There are 7 days in a week. I am ordering low calorie vegan meals for 3 of those days. 2 of those days I definitely just want to eat those meals. That equates to approximately 600-800 cals a day. Looking at it now, it seems ideal that be a Tuesday and a Thursday. But I also think flexibility is key, so we will see how we go. The third day seems best to be a Wednesday. On this day, I’m allowed breakfast, and to snack on fruit only. But I am hoping that I don’t need to, or as time goes on I can make just have the 2 meals. But I want this to be a journey that works and lasts, so easing into it may be best. Thankfully my partner has agreed to have meals 2 days a week – I really need some of that support to keep me going.
I also want to create a ‘vision board’. It sounds so lame. But I have started picking some quotes and pictures that I want to motivate me. I’m mostly going to stick them on the wardrobe door – but think having some on the fridge and mirror might work too. I hope that I get the bulk of this done on the weekend but feel that I can always change and add to it. I want to have a few projects to help me keep m focus. So, with that and this forum hopefully it’ll help.

Its almost lunch time now – lets see how we go!