Advice Requested – Potential Red Flag Ahead

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Advice Requested – Potential Red Flag Ahead

This topic contains 25 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  Nika 10 years, 6 months ago.

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  • I love my Hubby, I really do. We were supposed to be doing the FD together but 3 fasts in he declared it was not for him. Although he’s not exactly been anti-the FD, he hasn’t helped, in 3 weeks, he’s made a cake (and he knows I can’t resist his baking) and bought chocolates ‘just have a couple’ A *couple* of chocolates? Is there such a thing?! Now his sis (who, admittedly he doesn’t see very often) is visiting for the weekend and he wants to order in Chinese food. I can’t remember the last time we had a takeaway.. months it’s been. But this weekend, when he knows I’m trying so hard to make a mini-goal by Christmas? I tried to persuade him to allow me to cook as I could do something hearty and healthy but he countered this by saying I am too busy anyway (true, actually). He said ‘just have a small portion’. But I struggle around food.. I am very careful with what I bring into the house and try my best to avoid occaisions when I am in a position to buy it and eat it on the sly.
    I just *know* I will end up in the kitchen hoovering up leftovers.
    I’ve tried so HARD so far.

    Any suggestions are really most welcome. Help!
    Thanks in advance,

    (Anxious) Aud x

    Don’t panic Aud. On normal days you should be able to eat up to 2000 cals and still lose a small amount of weight per week. On the day of the Chinese,eat a small breakfast and lunch then look like you’re tucking in but take small portions. Since I started I’ve eaten out at least once a week including 2 all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets and still managed to lose weight by not going mad.
    And so what if you don’t lose weight one week-it’s a marathon not a sprint. Get back on it ASAP afterwards. Good luck .

    Have you considered your man might be a bit embarassed about not being able to last on the diet, and is hoping you’ll give up so he doesn’t feel so bad?

    Perhaps a longer-term strategy is looking for some shared goals, or encouraging him to try again (even as a 6:1 plan), so you’re in it together.

    And in the mean time, try and be strong. I feel a great sense of strength and empowerment every time I say ‘No’ to birthday cake in the office, chocolates offered by friends, or other temptations that are not within my plan for the day. Saying No can make you feel so good! So strong! It becomes almost it’s own incentive.

    Stick to it lovely – be strong and celebrate small wins. They’re still wins, and the small ones all add up!

    Hi Aud, I agree with Sonunda that it is a marathon not a sprint. I know how important it is to see those scales move downwards each week – but it is also important to balance this with important things in life – like occasional family visits, or other things that it would be a shame to miss out on.

    I try to look at each week as a whole and figure out if I know I am having a heavy weekend eating out/drinking(for example) where I can make allowances elsewhere. At the moment that means doing 4:3, but there have been weeks where I have fasted all day on a non-fast day and then eaten an evening meal that exceeded 500 cals (it actually should be 400 for my TDEE!!) but was less than 2000 or just generally restricted calories on a non-fast day. I think planning is quite important – and I do think this way of eating provides the flexibility to do that. In fact yesterday I looked at the next few weeks to figure out my fast day pattern as with various Xmas events there’s no way I can stick to what I have been doing.

    This won’t be the only challenge of this type you come up against – but stay strong and focused, and if you stay the same this week it is only 1 week in the scheme of things, and one Chinese meal shouldn’t completely blow it.

    Good luck – hope you can enjoy your weekend and not be too anxious.

    Cath x

    ” We were supposed to be doing the FD together but 3 fasts in he declared it was not for him. … He said ‘just have a small portion’. ”

    There is comfort in staying with past habits and the familiar past associations of food and people in those moments.

    The emotional shift is as challenging as the physical.

    Continue on your fasting path because it’s the right path to be on.

    Someone has to lead and it seems to be you.

    I really feel for you Audrich. How many partners and best friends have subliminally sabotaged their loved one’s diet? Endless numbers of them, and they’d be horrified if they were confronted with it. The reasons are extremely complex but we all know the results.
    If your husband is having difficulties staying on the 5:2, I suspect it’s pointless trying to convince or persuade, and he has to find his own way. But if this works for you, you’ll need to tell him gently but clearly that no, you can’t have chocolate or Chinese take away or whatever on your fast days, but that is just for 2 days out of 7. For 2 days you cook for yourselves and for 5 whole days (i.e. MOST OF THE TIME) you can cook and eat together. It’s a hard conversation to have, but people have to be told not to wave the cake/chocs/crisps etc around you. Explaining why you find it so hard to maintain a good way of eating and that you’d appreciate his help in becoming healthy should make him more conscious of his actions.

    ” people have to be told not to wave the cake/chocs/crisps etc around you. ”

    Or you could just be an example of the new person that you have become.

    There are way too many people to go around telling them your philosophy. It could be exhausting.

    Or you could smile, and keep your mouth shut.

    Hi audrich,

    Men! What are they like! Yours sounds like a sweetie but shares with so many others of his gender, including my Him Indoors, a total inability to get inside women’s heads, in this instance telling you to have “just a couple” of chocolates, only take a small portion, and suggesting you are too busy to do something hearty and healthy for his sister’s visit. Fortunately, my fella works hard to stick to 5:2. And if he does blow it from time to time it’s usually on something I can take or leave anyway. I’m lucky, I don’t have a very sweet tooth, but please keep me a way from highly-calorific smoked salmon taramasalata and certain other savoury naughties.

    I think my solution would be to relax a little over the weekend. As Sonunda says, don’t panic. And as she also says, the Fast Diet is a marathon, not a sprint. Be strict where you are able – but don’t beat yourself up if you do give in to temptation. Once sis-in-law has left, you can go straight back to your preferred routine and hopefully reach your next mini-goal or get very close to it by Christmas.

    And Humphrey’s advice is very, very wise. Do you think you can have that conversation?

    I so agree with everyone s advice, esp Cathyork. This diet is so flexible. I understand you fear of overeating. I am the same. I really struggled for years around food and secret eating, thinking that if no-one saw me stuff a few extra chocolates that it didn’t count!! with the fast diet, if you know you’re having a heavy eating day you can fast the next day and have an extra 4;3. I eat out many weekends and have had the odd takeaway. I then tend to fast on the Sunday aswell and giggle my other two days in the week. You have to try and relax around food. Its hard if you’re used to doing restrictive diets like weightwatchers etc so enjoy your takeaway

    Hi Sonunda,

    Firstly, I apologise for the delay in response, RL went crackers, but 8th Fast Day down today and still in the saddle.

    It’s heartening to hear that folk can still have treats and stay on track. This will be my first treat/challenge.
    I’m not sure about ‘going’ mad, I think I’m there already, lol.

    Thanks again
    Aud x

    Dear Cath,

    Thank you so much for your words, I was hoping I would get some advice and am thankful for all the replies. I just haven’t slipped in four weeks and I just don’t want to blow it, but it will be okay…

    ::clings:: lol

    Aud x

    Wise words, Rockyromero, thank you.

    You are right when you same familiar things are comforting. What I’m doing is way out of my comfort zone.. and I’m loving it!

    I’m hoping this will work for em and he’ll see and he’ll join in and his health will also improve. It’s a long road but I’m sure it’s the right one. It *feels* right.

    Aud x

    Hi Humphrey,

    Thank you for your considered words. As I read your post I was inspired not to try to persuade my hubby that I need to take it easy re the food, but actually to speak straight to my sister-in-law, face-to-face on saturday morning. She also struggles with her weight and I just *know* she will understand and be watching out for me, it just seems so obvious now!

    Thanks, hermajtomomi x

    For me, it’s hummus, and not the low-fat versions either… mmmmm.

    As for ‘that’ conversation; perhaps after Christmas when I be sticking to 5:2 or raising my game to 4:3 and we’ll see. I may trip a couple of times, but the walk to life is on.

    Aud x

    Hi, ruthmel1 x

    But surely if no-one sees you eat the food, it doesn’t coun— darn it, foiled, lol. In the past I *have* found restrictive (& weird) diets difficult and ultimately inefective and reading the science behind the body’s reasticion to famine & fasting, now I know why. All those years of WW-this and Go Ahead-that!

    Okay, I feel cheated by this revalation, but also oddly liberated; I’m keeping going even it’s a pound or less off a week, because it just feels *right*

    8th Fast Day, 516 calories, done & dusted!
    Aud x

    Audrich I have been on two cruises since starting IF and you know they are floating buffets!
    Follow the advise – relax a bit with your visitors. If your husband buys chocs let him have a few then pop them in the freezer.
    As for chinese food – get people using chopsticks. It will certainly slow you down so you wont eat as much.
    Whatever you do – enjoy your weekend visitors and don’t let a couple of days ruin your hard work so far. You could always do 4:3 next week 🙂

    The chopsticks are actually a really good tool to eating less… you eat slower and thus notice when you’re full earlier. It can also help with stuffing your face so to say 😉
    I understand your predicament Audrich. Having people wave goodies in your face isn’t fun. Here at work they’re constantly giving me stuff, and if it’s not too bad I take it home for a non-fast day (after my main meal). Like a mini-snickers they gave me… I die for Snickers, they’re my downfall so to say 😉
    About the secret eating, I absolutely understand. I did that as well a lot, and now I’m living alone here in China so I don’t really have any accountability besides you guys. And that works as well! I just imagine going home and seeing my family’s jaws drop when I’ve lost 60 pounds.

    Anyway, don’t worry about one day of eating a bit too much. It’s only one day, and as others said you can always do 4:3 for a week or two to balance things out. It’s not a sprint!


    It would be great to get your sister-in-law on-side. Not that having TWO women sharing the same view of food will make that much difference. What you could do is both of you to try to opt for some less calorific Chinese dishes, nothing fried in batter and lots of lean meat and stir-fried veggies. A bit of on-line research re calorie counts might be useful.

    Enjoy your weekend anyway.

    It depends on the occasion I guess. It just occurred to me that when I get home I’ll probably go out to eat with my family, then some more with my friends, and then again with my teammates to celebrate me coming home after a year abroad. And to be honest, I’m just going to enjoy myself and plan my fast days around them.

    Now if you order in Chinese food every week that’s something else of course 😛

    Thanks to all, I survived the day! No-one went for the chop sticks idea but I stuck mainly to rice and sauce with a few veggies and NO wine, which was unusual for me. I had a diet shandy instead and discovered beer goes much better with Chinese food than cheap chardonnay 🙂
    I also was careful during the day and went for a two hour walk, well, amble, really, but at least I was outside 😉

    My weigh-in is tomorrow and the scales will reveal the damage and the consequences thereof; will I have to do 4:3 next week? I’ll tell you tomorrow.
    Aud x

    PS Nika, I am really looking foward to your posts after you return home 🙂

    Audrich, glad you survived the Chinese meal!

    I nearly fainted today and yesterday when My scales showed I’d put 5lb on!!!

    so its very strict form now on. The whole box of chocolates I ‘secretly’ stuffed probably didn’t help!!!

    I must go and read the list of reasons for doing this that I have on my fridge and remind myself what damage belly fat can do!

    Hi ruthmel x

    My weakness is definitely chocolate, I absolutely love it so I can empathise with you enjoying your box. I think I recall you have a lot on your plate if you don’t mind me saying, so I’d say, have them, enjoy them and just get back in the saddle the next day. It’s my ‘next day’ after the Chinese and I’m sitting here thinking, why am I always beating myself up? Sometimes, we just have to be kind to ourselves x

    The good news is that the kidlet has woken up hungry (oh to be a teenager and sleep ’till noon, lol) so she is having the leftovers, what a relief to get rid of them and also, I don’t have to cook until tonight. Everybody wins 🙂

    Aud x

    Hi Aud,
    yes I have had a very stressful 3 years or so. Now I ‘just’ have my own illness’s and my daughters M.E (she’s 21).

    Teenagers are great for eating takeaway left overs! Our youngest son who is 17 always made us order more so he could have curry and rice at 11pm for his supper or next day for breakfast!!

    I am starting again today-very strictly. we shall see how long this lasts!

    “PS Nika, I am really looking foward to your posts after you return home”
    Me too!! Mainly because that means I’ll be back home 😉

    Congrats on surviving the Chinese! 😉 How did your weigh-in go?
    I must admit I’m one of those left-over kids. When I order a pizza and the delivery is free if I order two, I’ll just order a second one and eat that the next morning or during the day… lovely. Cold pizza (well, room temperature, not fridge-cold) is almost as good as hot pizza.
    Damn you made me think about pizza again 🙁

    Sorry about the pizza thought 

    I’ve gained a pound (need to update my thread), so not happy but not wholly unexpected. I just mustn’t have any treats, Arrgh.

    Aye, I read. Hmmm I hope you find a way where you can have at least some treats sometime! Otherwise you may start feeling deprived and all this will become a lot harder!

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