My partner doesn't understand…

This topic contains 11 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by rockyromero 11 years, 3 months ago.

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Kukuxumusu

4:07 am
28 Jun 13
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I was so happy to finally having found a way of living healthy without having to count calories every day. I could quite easily see myself fasting 1-2 days a week for the rest of my life.

But! My partner has absolutely no understanding or acceptance of my choice. He doesn’t understand how I can just dismiss his way of doing things as he has 25 years of experience in power lifting and dieting. According to him his way is proven and it works for him and so it must also work for me. I cannot get through to him that we are 2 very different people when it comes to diet and exercise.

I had to go to Denmark for 5 months last year and after I left he decided to lose some weight. His method was to eat a can of tuna and some rice crackers for breakfast/lunch and then eat a cooked mix of spinach, mushrooms and a bit of chicken at night. That is all he ate for a long time except for when he would visit his parents.

I couldn’t do that. I need different veggies, meat, fruits and whatnot. I don’t want to count my calories every single damn day! I have tried it and it does not work! He doesn’t get it!

Do any of you have similar issues with your partners? I would love to hear how you deal with them as I am getting somewhat frustrated here.

lottielastic

7:45 am
28 Jun 13
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Has he seen the documentary? That might help him understand where you are coming from. Although tbf he doesn’t have to understand it, just so long as he doesn’t interfere with you doing it if you want to. Each to his own and all that 🙂

Kukuxumusu

12:24 am
29 Jun 13
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No he hasn’t seen the documentary and he doesn’t want to. He gets somewhat upset because I have to eat differently than him for 2 days a week. I respect his way of doing things and that makes it all the more frustrating that he doesn’t. He has issues with me wanting to do things on my own and not together…

hermajtomomi

10:54 am
29 Jun 13
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So sorry to hear about your problems with your partner. It makes me realise how lucky I am to have my husband following the Fast Diet alongside me. As your partner has found his own method of losing weight by eating the same old, same old foods every day, he could at least support you as you tackle the problem in your own way. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for another.
If it’s any comfort, while we agree about the Fast Diet, there are many other things about me my other half still doesn’t get after 27 years.

Carla

9:24 pm
29 Jun 13
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Wow…this sounds a lot less about a food issue and a lot more about a control (for him) issue. Be that as it may…couples aren’t joined at the hip and certainly not at the stomach. Let him mutter and complain and head shake all he wants…and you do what you want/need to do. It is 2 days! Good luck!

SueWR

10:01 pm
29 Jun 13
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Sounds like he’s feeling insecure and a bit threatened for some reason. It’s too deep an issue by the sound of it for anyone to be able to advise but like the others I’d just like to encourage you to do what you feel is best for you and wish you good luck.

Couscous

10:13 pm
30 Jun 13
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I agree with both Carla and SueWR on this. I do not think that we are qualified to advise you on your partnership issues and the 5:2 diet other than to say there are clearly other important issues here.
Good luck in your life and your attempt at the 5:2 diet.

roosandwombats

3:40 am
1 Jul 13
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yes, I’m going to add my voice to the comments of Carla, Sue and Couscous. I’ve been veggie since the age of 11 (when we first moved to the country and I came face to face with a cow) but only 1 of my boyfriends has been vegetarian. And it has never been a major issue. They have always respected my choices and I have always accepted that as intelligent human beings they know where food comes from and are capable of making their own decisions. And there we are talking about ethical views, which is much more than deciding to eat a reduced calorie diet 2 days a week.
I hope the discussions about food serve as a spring board to discuss other issues that may be present and that it opens up new lines of dialogue. Best of luck!

Kukuxumusu

7:53 pm
2 Jul 13
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Thank you all very much for your input. It does help to see that I am not completely unreasonable. Although it might sound like control issues on his part it fortunately is not. He just really wants to do most things together with me. We have had this talk many times before. I am more independent than he is and we have problems dealing with that sometimes.

I am going to continue and I hope that when he sees it is working for me then he will accept my choice.

I will be back later with my story on how that goes…

Best of luck to all of you!

anniew7

4:43 pm
3 Sep 13
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Yes, I know how you feel as my partner has no idea of what 500 calorie counting means and on my fast days, when I have it all planned out, he tends to bring me a biscuit or a piece of cake saying “One won’t hurt” Luckily I’ve resisted so far and I think he’s getting the message!

Sylphadora

8:32 pm
7 Sep 13
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Seriously, if he disapproves of your way of doing things, that is his problem. Do you criticize him for how he eats tuna and rice crackers for breakfast and has chicken, mushrooms and spinach for dinner when he tries to lose weight? I guess not. If you don’t complain about his way of doing things, then so shouldn’t he. Respect should be mutual – it’s a two way street. I find it a little selfish and close-minded when people don’t support their loved ones when they are doing something that is important for them. Sadly, if you can’t change his mind about being more tolerant the only thing left for you to do is learn how not to get upset about it… I know, it’s not really fair, but it’s the only thing I can think of right now.

I can absolutely relate to you in this matter. My mum disapproves of this diet as well and doesn’t really like the idea of me fasting 2-3 days a week to lose weight. Actually, she always made it very clear on my fast days that she wasn’t very happy with my plan. I’m a very sensitive person and her comments got to me at some point, so much that I ended up sabotaging myself and ruining my plan because I felt guilty for doing something that some people disliked so much. Big mistake!

Next Monday I’m restarting the fast diet and this time I swear I’ll run over anyone who voices even the slightest criticism of the fast diet. I feel lonely when I don’t get support from the people I care about and should care about me, but my health comes first. If you can’t find the support you need from your partner, come online and share your experiences with the people at the forum 😉 We can support each other here!! =)

Annie, I would get angry at my partner if he tried to tempt me like that while I’m fasting. I consider it an attempted sabotage! If my family does ever do something like that to me I won’t take it well at all – I’ll tell them very seriously that I find their attitude really inconsiderate. That’s something I would make very clear. There are enough temptations out there as it is now. The last straw would be having to be facing temptation at your own home, too. Besides, my family knows I have a very strong sugar addiction and this is something that has made me go through really bad times.

BTW, Kukuxumusu, are you Spanish?? 🙂 You have the name of the famous Spanish brand. I love their designs!! ^^

rockyromero

10:33 pm
7 Sep 13
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Hmmmm…

Yes, I am a Spaniard!

Si.

Have you considered:

Being pleasant, ignore his bad behavior and continue doing what you want to do?

Give it a month, and let us know how that’s working for you?

✔